Disney Channel star Mitchel Musso hasn't been one to follow the rules, but will his charge of over 800 pounds of child pornography go too far? And will China's economy skyrocket with the edition of the new Qingdao Haiwan Bridge? The Kushington Post investigates...
Mitchel Musso, also known as the greatest rapper to ever bless this blue sphere we call Earth, is in the headlines yet again. We've all seen his wild side. He was busted for cocaine possession in 2006 (he went to rehab a while later), suspected of murder in 2008 (he was found innocent, but come on, we all know he did it), and even caught smuggling illegal immigrants via jet ski in 2009. Now, early 2011, we seem him at work yet again. On January 14 at 2:13 AM, police raiding Musso's home. Inside, a naked Musso was seen tied to his bed by all his limbs, surrounded by several 6-8 year old boys and girls. Take a breather here, it gets worse. Police found on Musso's computer, approximately 824 pounds of child pornography. The images on his hard drive were leaked to the internet, and we got our sweaty hands on them. Unfortunately, our images were confiscated by local authorities.
Jesus tap-dancing Christ!
Pedophile Musso awaits trail. He is currently being housed in Fox River State Penitentiary, the fictional jail of hit TV series Prison Break. Our sources tell us he is also responsible for the September 11th attacks, although such rumors have not yet been confirmed. Also, he is going to be on the next season of Jersey Shore. Also, he has been linked to Dakota Fanning.
Only the Chinese.
China has done it yet again. The Qingdao Haiwan Bridge links the city of Qingdao to the Huangdao District in the Northern part of Jaiozhou Bay (Shout out to Wikipedia). This massive bridge is now the longest water bridge in the solar system, and possibly the galaxy, or the universe. Interestingly enough, this isn't the first time China has left us awe-struck with a massive structure made from the skin of elves. Back in 2007, the Chinese finished construction on a giant wall that surrounded the northern part of the country. They dubbed this masterpiece "The Great Wall of China" or "在中国长城" for you Chinese speakers out there. Construction of this great wall began in August and took just two weeks to complete and not a day more. Overall expenses of the project took only $34 USD, or 224.012 中国人民币.
Picture extremely unrelated.
The Qingdao Haiwan Bridge, however, wasn't made for civilian transportation. Oh no no. According to an insanely trustworthy and professional source that I refuse to disclose, the Qingdao Haiwan Bridge is to be used for several different forms of illegal trafficking. You heard it hear first. We have sent our top field reporters to examine the activities on the bridge. We have captured over 800 hours of footage revealing human and drug trafficking taking place on the structure. Unfortunately, our footage was confiscated by local authorities.
Keep your eyes peeled on these highly factual news stories. Musso is scheduled to appear in court on the 20th of January. The child pornography on his computer was donated to charity. China's Qingdao Haiwan Bridge is under investigation of its illegal activities, and rumors of a new man-made structure has already risen. Reporting live from Comerica Park, Erin Andrews, ESPN.
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